The toughest periods of my life have always been regarding my marriage. I got married very young, 22 years old, to a woman 14 years my senior. At the time of this posting we have been together 6 years, married 4. It was never easy. I became a step father of 6 kids at 22, one more of my own several years later.
My entire life has always been difficult to say the least. I faced challenges that were just… huge. Coming from a divorced household was turbulant. I could never focus in school and eventually got kicked out of it. I failed most of my classes and was, for all intents and purposes, a complete and total loser for a very long time. Even now I doubt my self a lot, because the problems of the past have resurfaced, despite my efforts to run from them. And I often find myself wondering if these challenges are here for a reason or if I am just being punished. The biggest problems of my life were that they have all been what I call “silent issues.” That is to say they were never shared with anyone or even all that visible to an outsider.
The fact is it doesn’t matter though. Because I can choose what to believe, just like you can too. I could have taken the easy route and take my concerns out against the world as a criminal or drug addict. But I didn’t. I chose to look for God. I knew deep down God was sovereign. He still is.
And the choice to worship Him through pain and hurt is exactly the thing that makes you strong. And He will answer. When you are weak, He will be strong in you if you invite Him. And believe me, I’ve been weaker than most of you.
Pride is what keeps us fighting of our own strength. Pride says we don’t need God. But we do. He gives us every breath of life we have, whether you asked for it or not. And what I’m learning to do now is walk with Him entirely in order to make sure He is the driver. Myself gets in the way too much and frankly, it hasn’t worked out well when I’m the only driver.
My marriage is what made me understand this. It was the sheer amount of difficulty and conflict surrounding it constantly that brought on this mindset. A piece of advice for you: choose God always. Or you will certainly die. It’s just that serious.